I’m beginning this entry because, honestly, I’m bored and would like to say I’ve accomplished something today. This must be the first time I’ve been bored in months, and I’m kind of welcoming it. At the same time, I know if I go to bed, the next thing I will do is wake up and go to school Edit: work. See what it’s done to me!

Finished and matted figure drawing

The other day I went to the store and bought, amongst other things, a movie. The movie was an R-rated movie and was a purchase for my husband (because, let’s be honest here, what time do I have to watch movies?). Without thinking, I whipped out my driver’s license. The cashier looked at me oddly, then continued to ring up the purchase, including the R-rated movie, without blinking.

One of my 3D projects that I was very proud of.

One of the many jokes my friends make is how young I often appear. I’m so used to getting carded for movies. Movies! And you thought being carded for alcohol was nice. And then the other day happened. Is it possible that the stress of this past year has aged me that badly?

Better photo of my landscape project for drawing.

Better photo of my perspective project for drawing.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve never been one of those girls who ask if these pants make me look fat or worry about the crows feet I know I will eventually have around my eyes. Age happens. That’s a natural part of life, and I’m prepared for that as much as one can be. What concerns me is what my stress level is doing to me. I was being carded for movies just months ago. And what happened in between those months was just short of horrific, at least to my scale of stress.

I’m going to be gray by 25.

My 2D core assessment.

So I’m sitting here in my kitchen, blinds open, staring out into the pitch black of night. The occasional lightning is soothing, despite my previous notions this evening at work when I was ankle deep in water. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this evening, as I haven’t had much motivation to do anything else. So much happened in the last ten months. My dad was put in the hospital and diagnosed with emphysema complicated by sleep apnea. I started a new school. I’d been out of school for a year, firmly believing I had quit. I was taking on in excess of 15 credit hours. I was attempting to balance an already-established freelance career and my caricaturing job with it. An author contacted me to illustrate her children’s book. I took on the honors program and combined said book with school. I managed three courses distinctly outside of my major, and managed A’s in those classes. I went to Chicago for a week. We move in a roommate. Aaron found a new job. I told him we could manage if he wanted to be off during the holiday weeks (Christmas/New Years). Aaron put in his two weeks to his job and was let go. We were faced with no income from his side in December. Christmas was nixed. He blew a tire on day and then his car broke down the next. I got a really bad cold and had to sit out the two weeks of terror it reigned on me. I took tons of commissions not within my usual realm to manage the month. The midwest dumped two feet of snow on us. School started back up again. My car didn’t budge from it’s ice and snow deathtrap for a week while I spend 10-12 hours a day sitting at school so I can get rides. Aaron starts his new job. Our roommate left. I fought the school on my honor’s project. Aaron’s grandmother died. My grandmother died. My dad got worse. I was promoted to supervisor at Kaman’s. We moved a new roommate in. School gave me more homework than one person could possibly handle. I begin going days without sleep to get everything done. I displayed for a day at the symposium. I rallied for financial aid at Avila. I hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in weeks. I canceled two of my five commissions. I completed my core assessment for 3D, dropped it, fixed it, dropped it, fixed it and dropped it for the final time shattering it. I presented my honors project. School let out. Work kicked in full time.

The reliquary project that I destroyed by accident three times.

And that mess brings us to present day, with many things I either can’t talk about or have forgotten. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t want pity. I’m just so surprised that I’m still standing after all of this. No wonder I had no motivation to get anything done this past week. I’m still trying to heal after all of that.

Figure drawing.

Figure drawing

You know, after talking about all of that, I suddenly feel very tired. It’s also storming quite hard, which makes me pretty sleepy. I think I’ll go to bed.

At least I accomplished complaining my journal. I feel like an angsty teenager.

Goodnight!